The Blame Game

  Not gonna lie; I most certainly indulge in what I affectionately refer to as “brain rot” media. This varies from gossip magazines, reality shows, all the way to some gossip sites like The Dirty and She’s a Homewrecker. I’m not really sure why I find such entertainment so amusing, but I do. Maybe it’s the idea that there are people out there who really are crazier than I am, and they don’t have any shame about it. I’ve noticed a common similarity on some of these. There’s a lot of finger-pointing. I read through the stories on She’s a Homewrecker at least once or twice a week (or day…whatever…). I get the idea that it’s a site for exposing the “other person”, thus punishing them for intruding into your relationship. It never ceases to amaze me how many victims there are.

I don’t mean the scorned wives (and sometimes husbands). I don’t mean the hurt children. Apparently, the person who has done the cheating is a victim. The way these stories are worded, you’d think they were held at gunpoint and ordered to be unfaithful. I see it every time I look on there: “She lured my husband…” “He took advantage of my wife…” “She ruined my family….” “He cost me my marriage…”. It’s ridiculous. I personally don’t agree with any of those statements. The “homewrecker” had a hand in it, yes, but they didn’t act alone. That husband that was “lured” to do dirty things? He had a choice. He knew he had a wife (and sometimes children) at home. He was free to say no, and chose not to. He made the choice. The same goes for the wife who was supposedly taken advantage of. When I hear that phrase, I think of rape. I was taken advantage of when I was 18. I thought I was grown enough to drink, and didn’t take into consideration that the people around me weren’t people I trusted. It cost me my virginity and a long-time friendship. Do not tell me that by tempting your wife or girlfriend with an affair, someone “took advantage” of them. Your spouse was weak, they slipped up, and they left you to deal with the aftermath.

  I am particularly disgusted with a woman who uses terminology like that to explain why her idiot husband cheated on her. I actually have a friend who was put on the Homewrecker site. She slept with a married man. It was the typical “He said they were divorcing” story. He’d taken it a step further, though. Not only were he and wifey-dearest separated, they weren’t living together. He’d changed his status to single. Then he started the affair with my friend. I personally wouldn’t piss on the husband if he were on fire, as I know him personally, and he can best be described as an evil, manipulative, sadistic megalomaniac. What this fool has pulled in the 10+ years I’ve known him is beyond sickening. The wife he separated from had just found out that she was pregnant. He apparently wasn’t ready to settle down, so he asked her to leave. Once she found out about my friend, she put her on blast on the website. Describing the affair, she proclaimed, “She knew he was married she knew I was pregnant yet she continued….She helped ruin everything!” She seems to think her husband was taken advantage of. Husband knew more so than anyone that he was married and had a baby on the way. He still chose another woman over his wife and child. Yes, shame on my friend for getting involved with someone before seeing divorce papers, but as guilty as she was, the jackass she slept with is every bit as guilty.

                                                   Moving on.

  I watch Love and Hip Hop (Hollywood, Atlanta, New York, etc…) RELIGIOUSLY. Nothing cracks me up more than the sight of Young Joc strapped to a bed getting his ass handed to him by his then-girlfriend after she caught him being a man-whore. She cuffed him to the bed, beat his ass, and left him there trussed up like a turkey! There’s a girl on another version of the show who apparently got pregnant by a very famous artist. I’ve seen some of the headlines that are popping up about it. She’s claiming he “got her pregnant on purpose”.

                                             I’m sorry, what?? 

  YOU made the conscious decision to have unprotected sex. This is not a one-sided deal. You weren’t FORCED to have sex with this person, and at your age, especially if you’re having sex at all, you should know that sex without some sort of contraceptive CAN RESULT IN PREGNANCY. He refused to wear a condom? Bet. You can refuse to give him any. You’re not on the pill, shot, IUD, whatever? You may ought to stand your ground and demand that your partner wrap it up.

These people seem to think that humans don’t have free will of any kind. They are unable to say, “No, I have a wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend at home.” God put all of us on this earth with free will. That means you as an adult, have the freedom and right to say “No glove, no love.” It’s absolutely laughable to hear someone say, “He got me pregnant on purpose.” As a woman, it’s your responsibility as much as it is your partners to make sure that doesn’t happen if you’re not ready to be a parent. If you don’t understand the concept of all of this, maybe you shouldn’t be having sex in the first place.

Thoughts on this?

Tactful Vs.Tacky....Not everyone knows the difference.

                     

  I've got pretty thick skin at times. I've been called all kinds of names, by all kinds of people, and for the most part, it's as simple as shrugging it off and going about my business. Every now and then, however, someone will say something that just burns my biscuits (and for anyone who knows me, burned baked goods are NOT okay!!!!). My most recent run-in with such issues has happened here at work, and frankly, I'm baffled. 

  I do my hair (there is a LOT of it, by the way) and makeup when I can. Sometimes sleep is just more important to me than putting on my face and managing the monster atop my head. Especially on Fridays, when I work 6-3. Those mornings, I'm up by around 4, and out the door by 5ish so I can get to work in plenty of time. At that ungodly hour, I generally don't care what I look like, provided my teeth are brushed, my clothes are clean, and my hair is out of my face. A few weeks ago, on a Thursday, I did it all: the hair, the makeup, the clothes, the shoes, etc. I looked super cute and I knew it. Then came Friday. Early as hell and there was no way I was going to get up early enough to do all that two days in a row. 

  I was at my desk working, when a coworker came over to bring me a file. She smiled widely, and as if she had a juicy secret, leaned in and whispered. "I have to tell you something.". I leaned over toward her and asked what was going on. "You don't look pretty today," she stated, smiling. It took me a minute to realize that she had in fact said that, plain and simple. "You looked pretty yesterday when you had your hair and makeup done, but you don't look pretty today," she continued.

WTF.....?!?!?

I had to clench my teeth because my mother was really close to coming out of my mouth and telling this woman all about herself. I plastered on a big, "look here, bitch" smile and carefully chose my words. "Well...When you wake up at 4am and leave your house by 5 like I do, makeup and hair isn't all that important. To be honest, " I continued, "I look like a homeless hot mess, and I really don't care."

That's what I said out loud. What I ALMOST said was "Your old ass should know better than to say something like that to someone you barely know."

  

I was raised with the rule of "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Well...that and "If you can't say anything nice, come sit next to me and we'll talk about it together." So for this woman to seek me out to tell me that I looked like a bag of smashed poo, I felt completely insulted. After a bit of venting to a coworker/friend, I learned that I'm not the first or only person she's done this to. After asking Mouthpiece about our prepaid parking situation, Mouthpiece promptly told my friend that she was surprised she'd planned to park and walk, as my friend seemed "spoiled and didn't strike her as the type who would walk anywhere." Not long after my "you look like crap" incident, another girl came in wearing some....interesting....boots. Not really MY style, but regardless, she liked them and wore them to work. Mouthpiece told her they looked "dumb", that she didn't like them, and "people were going to think she was crazy for wearing that". 

Why not just keep your mouth shut and mind your business?