Spiders are a pretty common phobia. Then again, I’m scared
of just about any insect; especially grasshoppers. I grew up in the middle of
the country, in a tiny trailer located smack dab in the middle of a cow
pasture. In places like these, grasshoppers were abundant, and got as long as
your arm (yes I’m exaggerating). My dad used to catch them, chase me around
with them, and then throw them on me. I never fully recovered from that, and
still to this day have a mild panic attack at the mere sight of the hoppy,
green nuisance. I digress. Typical girlie girl behavior would always come out
in my cozy little household where bugs or rodents were concerned. Mandi, her
husband Rushy, their little one Jaxon (who might have been 3 at the time), and
I all lived in a gorgeous double-wide together. Jaxon had gone to spend his
usual Saturday night with his aunt Jackie, and Rushy was on duty at the police
department overnight. For Mandi and I, this meant we had the opportunity to go
out and have our grown up lady fun at the bar.
We’d been there no more than an hour or so, dancing and
catching up with friends, when Mandi realized Rushy had texted her. “Emergency.
911. Call me”, was all the text said. People, let me express how important it
is that there is an actual emergency when you text someone a message like that.
She stepped outside to call him, and came back looking irritated. After a good
bit of beating around the bush, and starting sentences that made things sound
absolutely bleak, Rushy finally explained that Jaxon was throwing up, so we
needed to go get him. Not exactly “emergency 911” material and he’d scared us
to death! We drive from Jacksonville to
Beebe and pick up a paler-than-usual, pitiful Nugget (aka Jaxon), and drive him
home. We no more than walk inside than he hurls on the floor. Again—no biggie.
After we've cleaned up the mess, bathed the child, and gotten ourselves
comfortable, we parted ways for bed. I told Mandi if she needed me to come wake
me up.
I’d just climbed into bed and was snuggling down under the
covers when there was a knock on my bedroom door. I opened it and was greeted
by a very pale, wide-eyed Mandi with a sleepy Jaxon on her hip. “What’s the
matter?” I asked, worried that a hospital trip may be in order. “There’s a
spider on my pillow!” she cheerleader-whispered. What exactly it was that she
expected me to do, I don’t know, but not wanting to deal with the eight-legged
critter myself, I quickly blurted out, “Well kill it!” Eyes still wide, she
shook her head and said she could not. Insert sigh of resignation and
acceptance of fate. I collected all I would need to achieve the task of
assassinating the spider.
Equipped with oven mitts on both hands, a foam bat from
Jaxon’s room, and a broom, I puffed out my chest and slowly walked to Mandi and
Rushy’s bedroom. I didn't see it. Where did it go?? “It’s right there!” Mandi
whispered, pointing. Nope. Still didn't see it. Giving me a slight shove, she
pointed again. “RIGHT. THERE!” When she shoved me, I stumbled a bit, and this
must have amused the spider, because it did it’s creepy little spider shuffle,
which scared me to death. I took a deep breath, gathered my bearings, and ran
toward it, bat and broom raised high! I swung the broom down onto the spider
with all I had. And it bounced. Off of the bed and onto the floor where it
scurried.
Nope. DONE.
I dropped all my armor, screamed and let loose an obscenity
or four, and ran out, slamming the door behind me (because as you know, spiders
can’t crawl underneath doors). After a brief discussion, we decided to call in
reinforcement. Mandi sent Rushy a text. “Emergency 911. Get home ASAP.” Less
than 10 minutes later, Rushy burst through the door, wild-eyed and ready to eff
something or someone up. “What’s wrong? What is it?” He asked. Mandi very calmly
explained. “There’s a big-ass spider in our bedroom, your son is sick, and
we’re not sleeping in there until the spider is dead and gone.” Rushy
disappeared into the bedroom. We found ourselves pretty amused at the grunts,
bangs, crashes, and shuffles coming from in there. He finally emerged, and announced
that the spider was no more!
When he complained that Mandi shouldn't have sent him the
emergency text, she smiled.
“Kind of silly to get everybody all riled up over something
that really isn't that big of a deal, now isn't it?”
…..We still call Rushy to fight our spider battles.
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