Just A Lil Update!

It's been an unbelievably long time since I've written anything here, and it's been an eventful year! First of all, Derek and I got married on May 5th, 2108! It was a beautiful, small wedding, with lots of our family and friends. As crazy as it sounds, and even after 5 years of practice, I HAVE A SON! AJ is officially my stepson, and I couldn't be happier about it. It still sounds odd saying it out loud, but I celebrated my first mother's day this year, complete with a phone call from AJ. We followed the wedding up with a week-long honeymoon in Myrtle Beach, SC. Our condo was comically janky, but it was also a miniscule 50ft from the beach! We spent our time exploring the local attractions (the Ripley's Aquarium, the Odditorium, and the Sky Wheel for starters!), eating (the food, omg. If you're in the area, make sure you go to Friendly's and Peaches Diner on the strip!), and enjoying our time away from the day to day stress. Derek's started up his own lawn care business and I'm happy to say we FINALLY have two vehicles! Meanwhile, I'm still working for the mortgage company, and cleaning the offices twice a week. In addition to my involvement with the Freedom Warriors Prison Ministries, I've also started filling in on Thursdays at the Celebrate Recovery program! I love it. I love the fellowship and knowing that God has used me to make even the smallest difference in even one of these guys' lives!

Glad to be back!

LOVE, 
THE NEW MRS. TROY!

I'm Getting Married: Does Anyone Else Have Any Superstitions?

Good morning, and Happy Monday to any and everybody who actually reads my blog! And if I've never said it (and I'm pretty sure I haven't), THANK YOU!

So, back in September of last year, my boyfriend Derek of now almost 4 years proposed to me. Granted, he's sworn since before we even started dating that he was going to marry me. He MAY be a little cocky. Shortly after that, we had some serious problems that resulted in my taking off the ring and calling off the engagement. However, we cleared some of the emotional and mental clutter from our lives, refocused on our relationships with God (and put God back into our relationship), and have decided to go forward with the wedding, which will be in April of 2018! I wasn't planning on a spring wedding, but here we are! I'm looking forward to the details, as I've already started planning. We're going to keep it as cheap as possible; putting more financial focus on the honeymoon. I'll be hitting up bridal sales and fairs, ordering things online, and going cheap on things like the cake and my dress.

Our colors were and continue to be navy, orange, and gray (he may or may not be a Bears fan; I just like the color combo), so I'm currently on the hunt for some Chicago Bears suspenders, and some orange Converse sneakers!
I've had a couple of offers, and have seen many a dress on social media yard sale sites, but the thought of walking down the aisle (no, this isn't my first rodeo) in a dress that someone else wore, seriously freaks me out. In fact, using secondhand anything in a wedding scares me. Unless the item, be it a dress, rings, etc came from a decades-successful marriage, I JUST. CAN'T. DO IT. I even panic at the idea of buying a dress that was bought but never worn. Now, I'm sure there are some out there who sold their initial dress brand new and still in the bag, simply because maybe they lost weight and just went an entirely different route for their dress. Maybe they decided that instead of doing the lacy, poofy, confection dress, they wanted something elegant and simple. Maybe there was no negative reason for why they had no use for this dress. Many times, that's not the case.
I also have the traditional "don't see each on the big day until you're walking down the aisle" superstition. It's also become popular to do the "First Look" these days, and for those of you who aren't familiar, it's the bride surprising the groom before the ceremony. It makes for really good pictures and video, but I don't want that for my wedding. I guess I'm old fashioned. I don't want Derek to see me in my dress until I come through those doors and walk up the aisle.

He's been informed that if he doesn't just absolutely fall apart upon seeing me in all my fabulousness, I will turn around and come back in until he gets it right! (haha, I'm not THAT bad).

I've had a few friends offer to officiate. And as touched as I was, and as cool as the idea sounds, I just can't. It'd be so fun having a friend preside over our special ceremony, but in my heart, I know it wouldn't be the way I want and need it to be. I have to have a pastor. I want MY pastor. I'm a

#BestPastorEVER

Christian. I want God present on my wedding day, and I truly believe, for myself, that one of the best ways to do that, is to have someone ordained by God and by whatever city/town/county oversee things when it comes to exchanging nuptials. To each his/her own, but that's my personal preference.

Alright. Enough of the seriousness and weirdness. Well, enough of THAT weirdness. My dress isn't going to be poofy (I'm 5'1", and will look literally like a bell in a fluffy dress).

GOOD GOD, NO. 

                      The guys are all going to wear suspenders and Converse.

I've already got my flower girl picked out. My bridesmaids are going to wear navy blue dresses. The ceremony will be at our home church. The reception location has yet to be figured out. My sweet beautician neighbor will do my hair and probably makeup. We look so forward to this day, and all the days to follow!

Again, God bless and thank you so much if you read my blogs! I'd love to see some comments on some of these!

Nostalgia and Dirty Music: Boy Bands Were Pervy?!?!?

Sorry I've been out for so long, folks! Lots has been happening, and I've been going nonstop here lately!

I came to a startling realization today. I was scanning through the radio channels today, and found myself disgusted and annoyed by today’s selection of music. If it was pop, it was about sex. If it was country, it was about booze. If it was rap, it just wasn’t fit for anyone to listen to. I remember thinking, “I feel for today’s youth. Our music wasn’t this bad!”

And then I switched over to my phone’s playlist.

My taste in music varies from rock (Halestorm, Avenged Sevenfold, Three Days Grace), to pop (Katy Perry, Britney Spears, Panic at the Disco), to gospel (Lauren Daigle, Crowder, Big Daddy Weave), and so on and so forth. However, in the pop category, I also have some nostalgic hits that I keep as a sort of guilty pleasure. I have N’Sync, Hanson, and Backstreet Boys, which were all very popular through my pre-teen and teen years.  My walls were plastered with the posters pulled from Tiger Beat, Teen Beat, Bop, and other countless waste of money magazines. My first CD was Hanson’s “Middle of Nowhere”, and I had each and every cd made by the boy bands popular back then. Hearing Justin Timberlake, back when he had the ramen noodle hair singing the first few seconds of "I Want You Back" makes me all warm and fuzzy. 

Back when I could daydream about Lance Bass before he broke my heart and came out to the world, solidifying the fact that he was NOT in fact going to be my future husband (hahaha), it all takes me back to an easier time. 

These songs and albums are my adolescence, as sad as that may sound.

As I’m flipping through some of these older songs, I was startled when I really started listening to the lyrics. Backstreet Boys, “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” is catchy as hell, and that was my jam, but I never realized how many preteen and teen girls caught the line “Am I sexual?” said I don’t know how many times through the song. N’Sync’s “Digital Get Down” actually made me blush. 

I don’t remember it being that big a deal as a teen, because I think I always just imagined bumping into one of the guys in a chatroom by pure luck and serendipity and having this awesome conversation. I’m PRETTY sure the song does not in fact mean that. “I get so excited when I’m watching, girl. I can’t wait to see you touch your body, girl. It’s just me and you, so we can do what we gotta do.” 

❤❤❤❤❤❤

These lyrics were every bit as dirty as the ones put out today! I can’t remember any of Hanson’s lyrics being sexually suggestive. I’m pretty sure they were just adorable.

I don’t know if maybe I’ve just gotten older and have really started looking deeper into things, versus the way I looked at things as a child. I just know that today’s youth scares the living hell out of me. And the music is only part of it!

It's a Family Tradition

Everyone has their holiday traditions. I don't care whether it's Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa; everyone has some sort of tradition that has been passed down in their families for generations. The holidays are here, and this year will be a different and difficult one for me. My parents have separated after 30 years of marriage. My fiance is serving nine months in a correctional facility two and a half hours away for not minding his p's and q's on a case from a few years back. I'm still determined to keep our traditions alive and going. Growing up, we've always had three things that you could count on come Christmas. On Christmas Eve, we got to open one gift. More often than not, it was pajamas, but nevertheless, it was a gift that we got to open "before Christmas"! Not to mention the fact that very little surpasses the delicious joy of new pajamas. Then, on Christmas morning, we'd dig through our stockings and open gifts. There's always one gift under the tree that everyone got. And there was no mistaking it for anything else. It rattled a certain way. It was just a specific shape and size. Queen Anne's chocolate covered cherries is what my Dad brought to the party as a tradition. Every single person got a box of chocolate covered cherries for Christmas! Mom was never really a fan, so she either gave hers to dad, or my brother and I would decide who got it. 

           

Once gifts and cleanup was done, and the food was cooking, on came the TV. I'm not sure where you're from, but I know in our home. A Christmas Story (leg lamp, "you'll shoot your eye out", "oh fudge") airs back to back, all day, on Christmas. We would catch bits and pieces of it as we made our way around the house enjoying our new things, grazing on the snack stuff while mom cooked a ham and the trimmings to go with it, and finally getting showered and dressed before any of the relatives showed up. My fiance's family tradition is one of my favorites, simply because of how it came about. His dad is an Army veteran. He finally retired around a year ago after serving for the majority of his adult life. When Derek (fiance) and his sisters Michele and Cassie were little, James (Derek's father) was active duty, and was set to deploy at any moment. It was Christmas. The kids were on a pallet in

the floor watching "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", and James and Hope (Derek's mother) were in their recliners. The phone rang. All James said was, "Okay". He'd gotten his phone call, and it was time to go. It was late. He was already packed. There was nothing more for him to do but head out to do his duty as an American soldier! Every year since then, they make it a point to watch Christmas Vacation every Christmas. I was blessed enough to be included in this part of their family history, and I absolutely love it.

            Since I've grown, and have become more interested in the family get-togethers and such, I've come up with some traditions myself. Mandi and I have begun one of our own. Usually a week or two before Christmas, we get the kids together, and we bake some sort of holiday treat. It may be cookies, it may be cupcakes, but we bake. Prior to this night, we usually raid the Dollar Tree and get crafting supplies. We get the kids new pajamas, and we make homemade ornaments for the Christmas trees. The kids usually make one for our trees, and then one for the grandparent's trees, or the other parent. We watch Christmas movies until the kids can barely keep their eyes open. 

 I plan to start and keep as many new traditions during my time on this earth. Moreover, I'd love to hear some traditions you all have in your families!!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, Happy Kwanzaa, to all who dare to read my blog! God bless us, every one! 

Mandi-Corruptor, Instigator, and My Best Friend!

THIS heifer right here. You've read the stories. You know just by looking at her that any moral defects I have as an adult are all her fault. This is Mandi. This is "the bestie". I found that bottom picture there, and had to share it. That's from when we first met and were working together at McDonald's back in 2002. The second one was last Christmas, when she decided we both needed duck lips for a selfie. Yes, we're grown women in our mid-thirties who still enjoy a good selfie session, and please believe, the majority of them look like those up there.

There are way too many stories to go along with these selfies, as well as the 15 years of friendship between the two of us. I just wanted to share the pics. But should you ever be lucky enough to cross paths with us, be warned. We have no filter, no act-right, and not a single ounce of shame. You'll never find another pair of crazy gals like us though! We're quirkier than your average pair. 

1) If either of us is crying, DO NOT--I repeat--DO NOT HUG THE CRYING PERSON!!! Sure, it's a kind gesture, but it makes the emotional issue that much worse.

2) Sugar coating isn't going to happen where clothing is concerned. Example: If you look bad in something you're trying on, you'll likely get something along the lines of "That looks stupid. Take it off."

3) We are happily boring. Our days at the bars and clubs are long gone. We tend to spend our free time in pajamas, vegging out on our favorite shows, browsing Pinterest, or just plain old laying around. We enjoy the occasional glass of moscato, and the frequent trip to Taco Bell. 

4) Neither of us do bugs. At all. Don't think for one second that we're above calling someone to come over and handle a particularly large spider. 

5) We frequently talk in movie quotes and song lyrics. And yes, we are thoroughly amused with ourselves. 

I know it's a random post, but I'm pretty proud of my bestie. If God ever intended for me to have a sister, she must've been it. I'm pretty sure he knew better than to give both of us to one parent though. I don't think anyone would be equipped to handle that. 

Love you, Hooker!!!! 

Mixed Feelings About the Stork

I’ve been in a funk for quite some time now, and I honestly don’t know how to untangle it and clear my head of the thoughts. I’m nearing my mid-thirties, and have no children of my own. At the age of fifteen, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (translates to many cysts on my ovaries). I was told I would never conceive, much less carry and deliver a child. I’ve been pregnant once, but I miscarried at eight weeks. It broke me at the time, but looking back on the situation I was in, not to mention the person who helped create the child, it makes sense now why God decided not to put that child on this earth. Had it survived, my child would be in Kindergarten this year. No matter. He or she is undoubtedly being spoiled and well taken care of by not only our Heavenly Father, but my late Granny Pat, my cousin Alecia, and my friend Mikal.

Babies have been on my mind a lot lately, in more than one way. Some days, I wonder if I’ll ever have the chance to be a mother. When my fiancé Derek and I first started discussing our future together, and the topic of children came up, he assured me that if conception wasn’t possible, we would adopt. It’s a noble thought, and I would consider it of course, but there’s still that selfish part of me that doesn’t want to do that. The part of me that wants the excitement of two lines on that pregnancy test. Who wants the tears of joy with my husband and with my best friend when I tell her she’s going to be an aunt. That part of me wants the ultrasounds, the growing belly, and the amazement when the life growing within me begins to kick and move around. I want that moment of “It’s time!”, and the joy of looking at my newborn child and knowing that a part of me has been immortalized in some way.

But in the same instance, my mind bounces onto the other end of the spectrum. I sometimes think that never having children of my own wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Maybe that’s God’s way of telling me that if it doesn’t happen, I will be fine. In all honesty, the idea of carrying, birthing, and raising a child terrifies and amazes me at the same time. Children are expensive. What if my child gets sick or hurt? I am extremely softhearted. Will I be able to discipline my child without being too harsh or being too soft? What physical and mental issues would I pass on to a child? There are so many dizzying questions that run through my head, and yet I can’t decide whether I would be devastated or unbothered if I was never given the opportunity to raise a child of my own.

Some days, it’s a sensitive topic. To me, someone who has successfully conceived, carried, and birthed a child has no right to tell me that I’ll be fine if I never have the same chance. And as much as I know they mean well when they say it, it still hurts. I’m reminded that I have nephews, I have my soon to be stepson, and I have countless of others who call me “Aunt Amber”, but to me, it’s just not the same. Don’t get me wrong, I love the ones who consider me their aunt no matter how they came to know me. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. But they’re not mine. I didn’t get the first words, steps, teeth, and all the other glorious firsts that parents get from babies. That first day of kindergarten, where most mothers stand outside their child’s classroom with their hearts in their throats and tears in their eyes at the realization that their babies are no longer babies anymore. The phrase “When are you going to have one?” sets me on edge as well. That one is a cross between “Don’t you think I want to” and “I’ll get around to it eventually!”.

It’s an odd thing to talk about out of the blue, I know, but I think it’s because right around this time, six years ago, I saw those two lines on that home pregnancy test. 

Prayers and positive thoughts for some peace and understanding are appreciated, if you have them to spare. 

Thank you as always for reading!

The Blame Game

  Not gonna lie; I most certainly indulge in what I affectionately refer to as “brain rot” media. This varies from gossip magazines, reality shows, all the way to some gossip sites like The Dirty and She’s a Homewrecker. I’m not really sure why I find such entertainment so amusing, but I do. Maybe it’s the idea that there are people out there who really are crazier than I am, and they don’t have any shame about it. I’ve noticed a common similarity on some of these. There’s a lot of finger-pointing. I read through the stories on She’s a Homewrecker at least once or twice a week (or day…whatever…). I get the idea that it’s a site for exposing the “other person”, thus punishing them for intruding into your relationship. It never ceases to amaze me how many victims there are.

I don’t mean the scorned wives (and sometimes husbands). I don’t mean the hurt children. Apparently, the person who has done the cheating is a victim. The way these stories are worded, you’d think they were held at gunpoint and ordered to be unfaithful. I see it every time I look on there: “She lured my husband…” “He took advantage of my wife…” “She ruined my family….” “He cost me my marriage…”. It’s ridiculous. I personally don’t agree with any of those statements. The “homewrecker” had a hand in it, yes, but they didn’t act alone. That husband that was “lured” to do dirty things? He had a choice. He knew he had a wife (and sometimes children) at home. He was free to say no, and chose not to. He made the choice. The same goes for the wife who was supposedly taken advantage of. When I hear that phrase, I think of rape. I was taken advantage of when I was 18. I thought I was grown enough to drink, and didn’t take into consideration that the people around me weren’t people I trusted. It cost me my virginity and a long-time friendship. Do not tell me that by tempting your wife or girlfriend with an affair, someone “took advantage” of them. Your spouse was weak, they slipped up, and they left you to deal with the aftermath.

  I am particularly disgusted with a woman who uses terminology like that to explain why her idiot husband cheated on her. I actually have a friend who was put on the Homewrecker site. She slept with a married man. It was the typical “He said they were divorcing” story. He’d taken it a step further, though. Not only were he and wifey-dearest separated, they weren’t living together. He’d changed his status to single. Then he started the affair with my friend. I personally wouldn’t piss on the husband if he were on fire, as I know him personally, and he can best be described as an evil, manipulative, sadistic megalomaniac. What this fool has pulled in the 10+ years I’ve known him is beyond sickening. The wife he separated from had just found out that she was pregnant. He apparently wasn’t ready to settle down, so he asked her to leave. Once she found out about my friend, she put her on blast on the website. Describing the affair, she proclaimed, “She knew he was married she knew I was pregnant yet she continued….She helped ruin everything!” She seems to think her husband was taken advantage of. Husband knew more so than anyone that he was married and had a baby on the way. He still chose another woman over his wife and child. Yes, shame on my friend for getting involved with someone before seeing divorce papers, but as guilty as she was, the jackass she slept with is every bit as guilty.

                                                   Moving on.

  I watch Love and Hip Hop (Hollywood, Atlanta, New York, etc…) RELIGIOUSLY. Nothing cracks me up more than the sight of Young Joc strapped to a bed getting his ass handed to him by his then-girlfriend after she caught him being a man-whore. She cuffed him to the bed, beat his ass, and left him there trussed up like a turkey! There’s a girl on another version of the show who apparently got pregnant by a very famous artist. I’ve seen some of the headlines that are popping up about it. She’s claiming he “got her pregnant on purpose”.

                                             I’m sorry, what?? 

  YOU made the conscious decision to have unprotected sex. This is not a one-sided deal. You weren’t FORCED to have sex with this person, and at your age, especially if you’re having sex at all, you should know that sex without some sort of contraceptive CAN RESULT IN PREGNANCY. He refused to wear a condom? Bet. You can refuse to give him any. You’re not on the pill, shot, IUD, whatever? You may ought to stand your ground and demand that your partner wrap it up.

These people seem to think that humans don’t have free will of any kind. They are unable to say, “No, I have a wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend at home.” God put all of us on this earth with free will. That means you as an adult, have the freedom and right to say “No glove, no love.” It’s absolutely laughable to hear someone say, “He got me pregnant on purpose.” As a woman, it’s your responsibility as much as it is your partners to make sure that doesn’t happen if you’re not ready to be a parent. If you don’t understand the concept of all of this, maybe you shouldn’t be having sex in the first place.

Thoughts on this?